Some thoughts on balance or lack thereof…
Happy spring (if that’s what this is). My best friend says, “March is a month of lies” and I can’t help but agree. I always feel like the coming of spring should mean you know… the end of winter… but it doesn’t always feel that way, especially when the Vernal Equinox brings a snowstorm.
BALANCE and HARMONY- these were my words of the year and three months in, I’m NOWHERE NEAR EITHER OF THEM. My year started off a little rocky. I got my finger stuck in the garage door two days before Christmas and lost my nail down to the bed. If you’re making a horrified face right now, that’s pretty accurate. Medieval torture tactic anyone? While injuries are never fun, this one also took me out of work for about three weeks, which added stress, and I’ve only just gotten a real fingernail back in the past week or so. Oh, how I miss my glittery manicures. Sometime in February, I added to the fun by spraining my hand. Yes, I can still work but it’s taking what feels like FOREVER to heal. All of this combined with the fact that I become a monster once the temperature drops below 50 degrees, and let’s just say I wouldn’t call myself balanced or harmonious on any front.
Have you seen The Trolls movie? At one point one of the trolls says, “How about a little positivity ‘ay? A little positivity might go with that vest.” I’ve been hearing this line in my head repeatedly over the last month or so. It’s not helping. I think March is usually the month where I lose it. I spend the rest of the year dreading this feeling of hopelessness. It feels like I’ve been stuck inside FOREVER and I feel all depressed and a bit stir crazy. I miss taking my niece and nephew outside, riding my bike, planting gardens, outdoor farm markets, picnics on my deck, the ocean, and all of the fun things you get to do when it isn’t cold and miserable out. I want to chuck my coats and boots into a box and throw them in the attic. My 3 year old niece has been wearing her bathing suit in the house for the past two weeks. She’s ready, too.
I think sometimes when we set an intention, we are made even more aware of what in us is lacking in creating/having/getting the thing we are striving for. For me, when I set the intention for balance and harmony, it has been made PAINFULLY obvious just how out of balance I am. Last week, I was an absolute and total monster. I was even crabby with my wonderful mother and perfect husband. Here’s the part where I would love to tell you that some yoga, meditation, a little self-care or boundary setting is what I needed, but alas… none of that is true and we like to “keep it real” at Spiral Path, so here goes:
Sometimes, you’re just in a rough space, physically, emotionally, mentally, or all of the above. We have this idea, especially in the yoga community that we should always feel the love, be the love, spread the love… The reality is life can be pretty messy, and it’s all part of the process. Sometimes it isn’t about fixing or shifting or changing anything. Sometimes it’s about accepting where you are and letting that be ok. Just because you’re having a bad day, week, month doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It doesn’t mean you aren’t spiritual. Hell, it doesn’t even mean you aren’t trying. Sometimes we just need to be ok with not feeling perfect or positive because it’s part of the cycle of life. Just as the earth goes through seasons and cycles of growth and death, we all have our ups and downs as we move through our lives and those cycles serve a purpose. In the same way, just because you don’t love every second of your pregnancy it doesn’t mean you aren’t happy or excited or that you won’t be an amazing mother. (I know some pretty awesome women who hated every second of pregnancy and are currently wonderful mothers). So when you’re feeling off, yes- do all the self-care things… the yoga, massage, meditation, positive intentions… but if none of it helps, maybe just be ok being where you are and ride the wave for a bit. I think we should all cut ourselves some slack, and acknowledge that moods change, feelings shift, and someday soon this winter will actually end.